Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

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Funar
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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby Funar » 23 Aug 2016 10:21

Thanks for taking the trouble Craig :you: ;)

Some of those are really funny :rotfl: Can't help thinking about Keyop's sense of humour when seeing this kind of play on words. Tommy Cooper as well :rip:

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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby pablo2008jedi » 23 Aug 2016 10:52

Here's another "no Man's Sky" :D

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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby Keyop » 18 Oct 2016 19:53

Two wives go out for girls night. Both got drunk, started walking home and had to pee. They stopped at a cemetery but had nothing to wipe with. One used her knickers the other grabbed a wreath off a grave. The next morning one husband called the other and said "no more girls nights out! my wife came back with no underwear." the other husband said "you think that's bad? mine came back with a card up her bum that read 'from all of us at the fire station- we'll never forget you..."

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Funar
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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby Funar » 19 Oct 2016 09:47

:laugh:

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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby Keyop » 23 Dec 2016 12:14

A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and Plod are out there checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto the whiskey. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a taxi home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a taxi they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a taxi before and I am not even sure where I got it from...

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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby WeeCraig » 22 Aug 2017 09:06

The annual top 15 funniest jokes from the Fringe
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

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Keyop
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Re: Jokes,Jokes,Jokes

Postby Keyop » 22 Aug 2017 12:42

lol